Today’s post is part of the Dear Reset series — where I respond to real questions from readers. To read past questions and answers, click here.
Let’s dive into this week’s reader question.
Dear Reset Theory,
I’m Indian American, and my big fat Indian wedding just… wasn’t what I expected it to be.
From the outside, it may have seemed fine, even beautiful. But it wasn’t what I had imagined for myself.
I pictured everyone I loved, and everyone who loved me, in one place. Excited. Present. There to celebrate us.
Instead, it felt complicated.
There were family members pushing for additional invites for other relatives under the guise of “respect,” when really they wanted their own mini family reunion at our event. Others found fault in everything we did. There were fights. Tension before, during, and after the day. On both sides. With me. With each other.
Yes, there were happy moments. But alongside them, I feel anger and resentment.
I see other people posting their weddings as the best day of their lives. Picture-perfect. And mine just… wasn’t. Not in the way I imagined.
Sometimes it makes me second-guess everything. Maybe I should’ve invited so-and-so. Taken different photos. Included another ceremony.
And sometimes the disappointment gets so heavy that I don’t even want to think about the day. I can’t look at the pictures or videos.
On top of that, I feel ungrateful for even admitting this because I know it wasn’t just my dream. It was my parents’. My family’s. My partner’s. Everyone invested so much.
I don’t know how to hold all of this without feeling like something is wrong with me.
From,
Still Processing
❤️ Dear Still Processing,
I’m so sorry.
You deserved to be celebrated.
You deserved to feel held.
You deserved a day centered on your love.
Blending cultures, expectations, and family dynamics into one event is not simple. Living in that in-between can be genuinely hard.
Some people do pull it off in a way that feels effortless. Their wedding lands exactly how they hoped.
But I’ve also heard from many women who appeared to have the perfect day, only to later share that emotionally, it didn’t land the way they expected. Everything looked beautiful. The logistics worked. And yet something still felt off.
What we usually see is the curated version of the day aka the parts that photograph well, the moments that are easiest to share. We don’t always see the tension, the pressure, or the quiet letdown underneath.
And when you’re already holding disappointment, comparison can make it feel heavier.
What stands out most in your letter is this: you care deeply. About people. About meaning. About doing things thoughtfully.
That’s not a flaw. That’s a beautiful trait.
The hard part is that we can’t control how others show up. And yes, it hurts when you’ve shown up for others with care, only to realize not everyone can do the same.
But that realization gives you something powerful: discernment.
Not necessarily a reason to cut anyone off. But clarity about who can hold your heart with care, and who can’t. And that clarity can shape a future that feels more protected and more intentional.
You invested so much in this day. Emotionally. Financially. Physically. Of course it’s hard to let go of what you hoped it would be.
But it can help, over time, to remember this: it’s one day.
Not dismissively. But in the sense that one page (even a very expensive and emotional page) doesn’t get to define the entire book.
It matters.
But it doesn’t write the ending.
And you don’t have to force yourself to suddenly love memories that still feel hard.
Sometimes healing isn’t about reframing the past. It’s about choosing new moments on your own terms.
Maybe that’s a quiet anniversary dinner with the people who feel safe.
Maybe it’s a photoshoot of just the two of you.
Maybe it’s allowing joy back in without needing to relive what hurt.
There’s nothing wrong with you for needing time.
You’ve got this.
❤️ Reset Theory
🔄 Reset Moments
📓 Journal Prompt
What part of a big life experience am I still grieving and what would closure look like for me?
🕯️ Simple Ritual
Create one small new memory on purpose. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. A quiet dinner. A handwritten note. A photo taken just for you. Let it be yours.
💬 Quote to Carry
“One page doesn’t get to define the whole story.”
See you next week. And remember - you can always start over.
❤️ Reset Theory
Got a question for Reset Theory? Click the button below - it’s anonymous, always.
