Dear Reset: I’m Tired of Being the Bad Guy

Dear Reset,

My mom doesn’t understand the word “no.”

If she wants to give our baby a gift, she’ll get tons of gifts. Even after we’ve said we don’t need anything, or have tried explaining that we have a small space - she just doesn’t get it.

When I talk to my friends, I feel like my only options are to either put up a hard boundary and send her gifts back (which feels so harsh), or just suck it up and feel angry and resentful… and overwhelmed dealing with a bunch of things we never asked for.

I know on the surface it sounds like I’m being ungrateful, and I do recognize that this is probably a “good problem” to have. But it’s just so annoying.

Do I have any other options? I’m tired of snapping!

— Overwhelmed but Trying to Stay Kind

❤️ The Response

Dear Overwhelmed,

Ugh, that’s so frustrating. When someone isn’t listening and instead prioritizes their desire to give over your actual needs … it can feel like you’re being talked over in your own life.

Especially when it’s not coming from a bad place. For many moms or grandmas, giving equals caring. It’s how they stay connected, relevant, and nurturing. So when you say “no,” it doesn’t always land as a boundary … it lands as rejection.

That’s why “no” alone often doesn’t work. It’s not that you’re unclear - it’s that you’re speaking a different (emotional) language.

And I’ll be honest, I’ve been there too. I’ve snapped, I’ve vented, I’ve had that “why can’t you just respect me?” moment. It’s human. The shift isn’t about being endlessly patient - it’s about finding a way to protect your peace without turning every interaction into a battle.

So when I start to feel that familiar irritation rise, the “here we go again” feeling, I remind myself: this is a good moment to redirect.

Redirecting is a soft boundary. One that honors your limit and their instinct to love.
It’s not giving in. It’s guiding.
It’s saying: I see what you’re trying to do, and I’m helping you do it in a way that actually works for both of us.

Here’s what that can look like:

🌱 1. Give her a job.
If she loves to shop, assign her a lane. Maybe she’s the “book fairy” aka she only buys books. Or she’s in charge of holiday outfits or finds pre-loved baby items online. It channels her energy into something useful and finite.

💌 2. Offer a giving alternative.
Ask her to put that same energy toward something that supports you like contributing to a college fund, gifting experiences instead of things, or bringing another needed item instead of more toys.

🧶 3. Include her … but with structure.
Sometimes the over-giving comes from a need to feel needed. Give her a role that matters but doesn’t overwhelm your space like helping organize the baby room, cooking together, or writing little love notes for your kid’s memory box.

Redirecting doesn’t mean you’re rewarding bad behavior. It means you’re translating love. You’re saying, “I see your intention, and here’s a way to express it that doesn’t drain me.”

And yes - it takes emotional regulation. It’s so much easier to snap or shut down than to stay grounded and creative in the moment (trust me, I know lol) But when you do, you keep both your peace and the relationship intact.

Sometimes we also guilt-trip ourselves for even feeling frustrated. We tell ourselves, “She means well, I should just be grateful.” But you can be both grateful and overwhelmed. Appreciative and annoyed. Those feelings can coexist … it just means you’re human, and you care about keeping your space and sanity intact.

You’ve got this.
❤️ Reset Theory

🌿 Reset Moments

📖 Journal Prompt
What’s one recurring behavior that frustrates you about someoen and what’s one way you could gently redirect it?

💬 Tiny Reframe
You’re not “giving in.” You’re giving direction.

🎧 On Repeat
“Let Go” — Frou Frou

See you next week. And remember - you can always start over.

With you,
🫶 Bina

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