How I Decide Where to Go Deep—and Where to Pull Back

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how important it is to express how you feel. Especially when you’re hurt—like I shared in last week’s post.

Sometimes, you have to say it—even if it lands awkwardly.
Even if the other person doesn’t fully receive it.
Because naming your truth matters.
It helps you grow.

But other times? It’s just as important to pay attention to where you’re giving that energy.
Because constantly wondering if someone is emotionally safe—that can become its own kind of exhaustion.

I know, because I’ve been there.
In relationships where I kept trying—over and over—wanting us to have something real.
Wanting to name the hard things so we could move through them.
Because that’s how real connection grows.

But instead, I was met with defensiveness, dismissal—or worse—made to feel like I was just “too sensitive.”

And the truth is, it’s not always realistic—or even necessary—to cut someone off.

That’s where I’ve learned to start reading the tea leaves.

Letting the Pattern Guide You

When I’m not sure how much emotional depth a relationship can hold—whether it’s with a new friend, a coworker, a relative, or someone I’ve known forever—I start small.

I might gently name something that didn’t sit right.
Ask for clarity on a weird moment.
Or just show up as I really am that day: low energy, a little quiet, not performing.

Not to test them—just to get a feel.
Can this person sit with honesty?

If they get defensive, dismissive, or make me feel like I’m being too sensitive—
that tells me what I need to know.

That this may be someone I need to keep things lighter with.
I can still care for them, still stay connected—just not at a deep emotional level.

But if they engage with care, show curiosity, or even circle back later to reflect?
That’s a green flag.
That’s someone I know I can go deeper with.

And just to be clear—this isn’t about perfection.
Some people might fumble at first. They might get awkward or defensive.
But if there’s curiosity… growth over time… a willingness to revisit the moment—that matters.

It tells me they’re learning how to hold emotional depth, even if it’s new to them.
And that’s different than someone who consistently shuts me down.

Managing Your Energy, Not Cutting People Off

This may be different than what you usually hear.
Some people say:
“Be fully authentic with everyone all the time. If they can’t handle it, that’s their problem.”

And I get that.
Maybe one day I’ll feel that way too.

But right now, that doesn’t feel practical—or even necessary.

Sometimes, you don’t want to remove someone from your life—like a lifelong friend or someone in your wider social network.
And sometimes, you can’t—like with coworkers or certain relatives.

It’s not about building a perfect bubble.
It’s about knowing when to keep giving—and when to let it be.

This mindset helps me stop over-explaining to people who just don’t get it.
It helps me stop chasing conversations that go nowhere.
It helps me protect my energy while still showing up with care.

Because depth is beautiful—
but it should never come at the cost of your peace.

✨ Reset Moment

📖 Journal Prompt
Who in your life can sit with honesty—and who can’t?
What would shift if you stopped trying to go deep where it’s never worked?

✨ Permission Slip
You’re not withdrawing love. You’re adjusting the depth.

📺 Watchlist
YouTube search: “Japanese countryside life no music”
Peaceful, scenic, and quiet—like a breath for your nervous system.
No dialogue. Just trees, tea, and slow living.

💌 Feel like someone in your life would vibe with this? Forward it to them.
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