How I Stopped Letting the Wrong Advice Mess With My Head

The Confession

The number one thing that has given me so much peace over the last few years?

Being really selective about who I share things with.

I used to turn to people I'd known for a long time—or those who seemed accomplished—thinking that familiarity or success automatically made them good sources of guidance.

But instead of feeling better, I often felt worse after talking to them.

I’d walk away feeling like I’d overshared, second-guessed myself, or even felt silly for asking in the first place.

It finally clicked after yet another conversation left me doubting myself.

I’m a big believer in changing the input to change the outcome.

And while cutting people off or avoiding advice altogether wasn’t the answer…
I knew I needed a filter—a framework to decide who not to go to for advice.

Because just like it’s important to know who you trust…
It’s just as important to know who you don’t.

Why I Needed a Filter

Decision-making frameworks simplify your life. They help you make decisions faster and with less stress by giving you clear guardrails.

With a strong framework, you spend less time overthinking and more time moving forward. Over time, it also makes you more confident because you develop an internal filter that aligns with your values and goals.

Who I Don’t Go to for Advice

Here’s the simple filter I use:

1. People who make me feel bad afterward
Sounds obvious, but it’s easy to default to people we’ve always known or those we admire—without asking: Are they actually good at giving advice?

Even well-meaning people can leave you feeling worse if they lack empathy or speak from judgment.

Advice doesn’t have to be sugar-coated. But it should be kind.

2. People whose words don’t match their actions
Like the friend who says “date around!” but has only ever been in long-term relationships.

They may not mean harm, but if their life doesn’t align with their advice, I take it with a grain of salt.

I want input that’s grounded in lived wisdom, not just theory.

3. People who don’t really understand me
If someone doesn’t take time to understand my values or goals…
How can they possibly guide me toward them?

Good advice honors who you are. Not who someone else thinks you should be.

4. People with no relevant experience
They don’t have to be an expert. But if I’m asking for guidance in a specific area, I want it from someone who’s walked a version of that path.

Because credibility matters.
And so does discernment.

5. People whose values don’t align with mine
If they believe in hustle at all costs and I believe in rest…
Their advice may not serve me.

It’s not about who’s right.
It’s about who’s aligned.

The Shift

As someone who values openness, vulnerability, and feedback, being more selective wasn’t easy.
I’ve always been someone who likes to take in different perspectives—even when it doesn’t all serve me.

But now I ask:

• Does this resonate with the life I’m building?

• Is this advice kind and useful?

• Does this person truly see me?

Whether I was actively seeking advice—or just fielding unsolicited opinions disguised as concern—I finally had a filter.

That internal boundary changed everything.

A Soft Suggestion

You don’t have to use my exact list—but try creating your own.

A conscious filter for advice can be the key to protecting your peace, quieting self-doubt, and moving through life with more clarity.

So tell me… who won’t you be seeking advice from anymore?

🔄 Reset Moment

📓 Journal Prompt
Who are the 3 people you turn to most for advice?
How do you feel after speaking to them—clear, seen, empowered? Or confused, judged, unsure?

💬 Quote to Carry
“Be careful who you take advice from—you might inherit their limitations.”

Thanks for reading.
You deserve advice that honors your truth.

💛 Love always,
Bina

P.S. Know someone who’s been second-guessing themselves? Forward this their way.
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