How to Be an Energy Strategist

One of the hardest parts of being empathic is that you feel things before you have words for them.

You can sense judgment hanging in the air even if no one says it aloud.
You can feel criticism aimed at you without a single word spoken.
And sometimes, you leave carrying emotions that were never yours to begin with.

I notice this most around a lot of older people in our culture. (If you know, you know.) The scanning up and down. The probing questions. The subtle comparisons. And later, the commentary you can bet will follow once you’ve left.

But it isn’t just “aunty energy.” You can feel it with a boss at work, a relative who thrives on subtle power games, even an acquaintance who always has to be one step above.

Some people are what I call energy vampires — they drain you without lifting a finger, and you walk away feeling sucked dry.

And when you can’t avoid them, the only way through is to become an energy strategist.

The Shift: Becoming an Energy Strategist

Here’s the reframe:
You’re not here to fix them.
You’re not here to prove yourself.
You’re here to redirect their energy so it doesn’t land on you.

Think of yourself as a superwoman walking through a battlefield. People are throwing fireballs of judgment or criticism your way — but you don’t let them land, you don’t flinch. You lift your shield, block, deflect, and keep moving.

That’s what energy strategy is: weaving in and out of the battlefield, dodging what you can, deflecting what you must, and making it through without losing your ground, focus, or confidence.

Your Shields: Practical Strategies

Let’s walk through some strategies I’ve picked up.

Say you have to see an aunt or in-law every couple of weeks. You can’t avoid them, and you know they’ll be looking you up and down the second you arrive. Here’s what I’d do:

1. Soften the Edge
People like this often show up with their guard up, ready to spar subconsciously. So I disarm them right away with something small, I know they’ll like:

• “I brought you some fruit.”

• “I made extra of this dish and thought you’d like some.”

• “Saw this and thought of you.”

It doesn’t have to be big — just a tiny gesture that shifts them into receiver mode instead of critic.

And if you still feel them gearing up? That’s when I switch to the next move.

2. Throw Them a Bone
Say you feel them winding up to comment on your weight, your outfit, or your parenting. Before they have the chance, toss them something else to chew on. Share some news or light gossip — something that isn’t especially important or intense, but that you can play up for effect:

• “Omg my cousin just proposed this weekend — look at the pictures!”

• “Did you hear they’re opening a new store on the corner?”

Now, instead of dissecting you, they have a new story to latch onto.

If they push past that, I lean on this one.

3. Redirect the Spotlight
People like this love talking about themselves — or at the very least, someone else. So if you sense them about to dig into your life (When’s baby’s next appointment? What’s your schedule today?), flip it back or preempt it:

• “So what’s going on with so-and-so?”

• “How’s BIL’s baby doing these days?”

It scratches their itch for commentary without putting you in the hot seat.

The trick is to keep it light and positive. Don’t slip into negativity about others — otherwise you’ve just joined them in the same energy you’re trying to shield against.

And finally, the one that matters most.

4. Clean Exit
The key here: never overstay. When you feel the silence creeping in, that’s your cue.

If you can leave, just say, “Okay, I’ve got to get back.”
If you can’t, make an excuse to step out, check on something, or shift gears.

The point is — you exit before their attention boomerangs back onto you.

✨ See how all of these work? They’re not about people-pleasing. They’re shields. Small moves that protect your peace so their energy doesn’t pierce yours.

🌿 Reset Moments

📓 Journal Prompt
Who in your life consistently leaves you feeling heavier after you see them? What’s one small tactic you could try next time to protect your energy?

🎧 On Repeat
“Survivor” by Destiny’s Child — pure superwoman energy for walking through the fire without losing yourself.

☕ Tiny Joy
Taking one slow, deep breath — in through your nose, out through your mouth — to reset your nervous system and remind your body: I’m safe.

What are some ways you deflect energy when you feel it coming at you? I’d love to hear.

Remember: your sensitivity isn’t a weakness — it’s your power. Energy strategy just helps you use it wisely.

See you next week. And remember — you can always start over.

🫶
Bina

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