My “Art of War” Era

I think I’m in my “Art of War” era.

(For those unfamiliar, the “Art of War” is an ancient Chinese military treatise, that’s really about strategy - understanding people and moving with intention.)

And I don’t mean this in the sense of becoming cold or calculating, but rather becoming more aware, more discerning, and more intentional about protecting myself.

And just to be clear, this isn’t my natural state.

Anyone who knows me knows I default to harmony.
I love connection. I love helping people. I want things to feel good.

But the shadow side of that?

Not always knowing when to pull back.
Not always knowing how to protect myself.

So this past year, I’ve been trying to solidify the lessons I’ve learned…
not just feel them, but actually use them intentionally.

And one thing about me … I love a good quote.
A line you can remember in the exact moment you need it.

So here are the three that have genuinely changed how I deal with difficult people …
at work, in family, and in everyday life.

They sound simple.
But they’ve made a real difference.

None of these are necessarily groundbreaking, but I’ve found that the simplest truths are the ones that actually stick around when you need them most.

I used to hate this one.

Because no, I don’t believe in keeping toxic or draining people in your life by choice.

But the reality is…
sometimes you don’t get to choose.

Work. Family. Certain environments.

And this quote isn’t about closeness in an emotional sense
it’s about awareness and composure.

When you do have to interact:

It’s not about being fake or manipulative.
It’s about being calm, contained … and slightly unavailable.
They don’t need to see you sweat 😉

Because for those of us who naturally go deep
it can be hard to know when to not.

This is also about trusting your read on people.

When someone feels:

Believe that.

You don’t need proof.
You need discernment.

I’ll never forget when a coworker told me this.

I was venting about someone who had done something deceptive … again.
And I was frustrated, confused, replaying it.

And he just said:

Why are you surprised? A snake is a snake.

That shifted everything.

Because the real drain isn’t even the behavior …
it’s the emotional shock.

The “I can’t believe they did that”
The “why would they do this to me?”

But some people are just… who they are.

And the moment you stop expecting them to be different,
you stop taking it personally.

You stop trying to decode it.
You stop making it mean something about you.

You just… move differently.

This one might be my favorite.

Because when someone pushes you far enough,
there’s a moment where you want to match them.

To argue harder.
To prove your point.
To show them they can’t mess with you.

But here’s the truth:

If someone thrives in chaos, manipulation, or emotional escalation …
you will never beat them at their own game.

They’ve had years of practice.

And you?

You’re sane. You’re grounded. You’re reasonable.

Your power was never in being louder or more reactive.

It’s in:

Sometimes the strongest move is simply… not engaging.

Not explaining.
Not reacting.
Not playing.

If I had to sum this up, it’s this:

You don’t have to fix everything.
You don’t have to respond to everything.
You don’t have to escalate.

You just have to stay rooted in who you are …
with a little more strategy than before.

📝 Journal Prompt
Where in your life are you still expecting someone to act differently than they consistently do? What would shift if you accepted them as they are and adjusted your response instead?

💬 Quote to Carry
“You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.”

🎧 Create Your Battle Song Playlist
Pick 2–3 songs that make you feel calm, grounded, and powerful. Play this when you’re tempted to react and remind yourself: you don’t need to match crazy to hold power.

I’d love to hear what your go-to “Art of War” quotes or rules are when dealing with difficult people? (Reply back to this email… I read every one 🤍)

See you next week.
And remember - you can always start over. 💫

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Share your story or situation here (it’s completely anonymous).