Following along on Instagram? @resettheory.co is where I share gentle reminders, quotes, and tiny resets between Sunday letters.
There will be people who get under your skin — effortlessly.
A coworker who lacks self-awareness.
A relative who critiques everything you do.
A friend you’ve outgrown but still share space with.
And if there’s history — years of trying to be patient, understanding, or “the bigger person” — their smallest comments can still ignite something in you.
Irritation. Anger. The kind of defensiveness that feels disproportionate to the moment.
You replay conversations.
Analyze tone.
Try to decode what they really meant.
Is she implying I’m not good enough?
Is she trying to prove she raised her kids better?
Is she hinting I should be doing more?
It’s exhausting.
And it’s not the version of yourself you want to live with.
The quiet truth: if everything feels like a hill, you’ll die on all of them.
Difficult people rarely communicate directly.
They speak in half-sentences, weird tones, nostalgic comparisons, or “innocent” comments that land like jabs.
The problem is this:
When you don’t know what actually matters, everything feels personal.
Every remark feels like an attack.
Every interaction becomes an emotional puzzle to decode.
And suddenly you’re drained — not by the person, but by the uncertainty of what to take seriously.
This is how we lose our peace.
Not because they’re difficult, but because we’re reacting to everything.
The Reset Shift: Categorize the Behaviors
This is the simple — but powerful — practice that changed everything for me.
Instead of treating every moment as emotionally equal, sort behaviors into three categories.
It gives you clarity.
It gives you choice.
It gives you your power back.
And here’s how I actually use it:
Category 1: The Noise
These are the behaviors that are annoying, unnecessary, self-congratulatory, or rooted in total lack of self-awareness… but ultimately harmless.
You clock them.
Maybe share the inane moment with a friend.
And then you move on.
Examples:
Your MIL tells everyone your toddler said “I love you” to her — even though your toddler can’t talk yet.
Your aunt brags that her daughter makes everything from scratch, as if that’s a personality trait.
These things are irritating, yes.
But they don’t cross anything important.
They don’t deserve your adrenaline.
Category 1 is your reminder that not everything needs to take up emotional space.
Category 2: The Patterns
These are the behaviors that show up consistently — criticism, passive-aggressiveness, subtle disrespect — and they usually signal that an action is needed from you.
An action that is conscious.
Intentional.
And requires you to show up differently than you have before.
Category 2 often looks like:
Speaking up in the moment (which can be as simple as “No, that doesn’t work for me” or a real conversation later)
Asking your partner to handle something if it’s their family
Having your manager define responsibilities so things stop falling on you by default
Adjusting your expectations so you’re no longer shocked when this person behaves predictably
These patterns matter but they don’t warrant a battle every time.
They warrant a shift in how you engage, so you stop giving the same dynamic the same emotional outcome.
Category 2 is where you act with clarity instead of getting stuck in irritation or overthinking.
Category 3: The Hill to Die On
These are the behaviors that cross your values, integrity, or sense of safety.
Your absolute no’s.
And if you’re unsure whether something belongs here, your body will often tell you first.
It’s the visceral, unmistakable reaction that comes from deep inside:
“This is not okay.”
This might be:
Someone implying your role is to cater to your husband in ways that don’t align with your values
Someone insulting your parent or child
A coworker taking credit for your work
A comment that crosses the line from irritating into harmful
These moments require clarity, a strong boundary, and a steady sense of self.
This is your line in the sand — where you protect what truly matters.
Category 3 is your true hill — and you'll know it the moment you feel it.
Why bother doing any of this?
Because real life doesn’t let us curate every relationship.
Some people stay — for a season, for a reason, or because they’re family.
Learning to navigate those relationships without losing yourself is a life skill.
It’s emotional steadiness.
It’s maturity.
It’s power.
And more than anything, it’s freedom.
The freedom to stop being moved by people who once controlled your inner weather.
The freedom to choose what matters and what doesn’t.
The freedom to respond intentionally, not reactively.
When you know your categories, you stop dying on every hill — and save your energy for the ones that truly deserve you.
Self-Awareness Prompts
Which behaviors in my life belong in Category 1 but I’ve been treating as Category 3?
What patterns ask me to show up differently in Category 2?
What is my true non-negotiable — my Category 3 hill?
Where do I want to practice being more unmoved this week?
Reset Moment
☕ Tiny Joy
That quiet sigh of relief when a familiar trigger happens — and… nothing inside you flinches.
📖 Journal Prompt
“What’s one recurring behavior I’m ready to downgrade so it stops controlling my mood?”
💬 Quote to Carry
“Peace isn’t the absence of difficult people. It’s the presence of clarity.”
See you next week.
And remember — you can always start over.
🫶🏽
Bina
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